Long-distance love
Long-distance relationships can be a challenge, but with a bit of commitment, trust and patience they can be as successful as any other relationship. The distance itself isn’t the obstacle in the relationship – it’s how you deal with being apart that makes or breaks it.
Of course, your reasons for being a long distance apart in the first place can be a significant factor in the survival of the relationship. If, for example, you met over the Internet and haven’t known each other for long, it will be more of a struggle to keep up the romance and commitment. If, on the other hand, you have been seeing each other for a long time, know each other well and are going to be living apart as a result of, say, work commitments, the chances of success are much higher. Alternatively, if you have been seeing each other for a long period but one of you decides to take some time away for breathing space, it could be a signal of doubts over the relationship.
The key is to be open and honest with each other, both about your reasons for putting the distance between you (if you were previously close together) and about your expectations as to how the relationship will continue when you’re apart from each other. Establish clear ground rules to ensure that there are no misunderstandings. For example, agree on whether you will be completely monogamous or whether you will have an open relationship.
It takes a lot of effort to keep a long-distance relationship going, so think about whether you’re prepared to invest enough commitment and trust to make it work. If not, be honest with your partner from the start and break it off rather than mislead them or keep them hanging on.
Communicate regularly when you’re apart to share your lives with each other and keep the spark alive. This needn’t mean daily long-distance phone calls, especially if your budget won’t stretch that far. It’s so easy to keep in touch these days and even the smallest of gestures can mean a lot to show that you’re thinking of your loved one – a text message, an email, an instant web chat, a fax or even a letter. Your partner will also appreciate photos – it’s nice to receive pictures as well as words to see how you’re doing.
Meet up with each other as often as your schedule and budget will allow. However, don’t put pressure on each other if one partner is struggling to make it (although if your partner continually puts off meetings then it’s time to question their commitment). Arrange to see each other when your diary is more or less empty so that you get plenty of quality time to spend with each other. There’s no point in one of you travelling such a long way only for the other to be busy with other appointments, meetings or work and it will only cause tension and resentment.
Also come to a mutual understanding of your long-term future together so that you both know where you stand. Discuss how long the long-distance stage of your relationship is likely to last and what you envisage happening after that. Commit to this but don’t set it in stone – you never know how things could turn out when you’re apart and things may not work out as you had hoped. In fact, even if you both survive the long-distance, you might have changed your minds about what you want to do once you are close to each other again.
If at any stage during your geographical separation you feel that you’re drifting and your lives are too different for your relationship to continue, be open with your partner and call it off – don’t leave them hanging on under a false impression as this will just make your eventual break-up more hurtful and distressing to them.
